I seem to have lost all motivation to do anything that requires effort. I hate that. I have always been an extremely hard worker, and somehow that ethic that my family is known for has gone down the toilet. I'm sick of it. It doesn't help that I am very easily distracted. I find something even just slightly more interesting than what I had previously been planning to do, and I decide to forget my plans and waste time doing something that is not only extremely unproductive, but that makes me complacent in every facet of my life. I can't let it happen anymore. I've been ignoring the Spirit, to the point that its voice seems muffled. I hate that. I have lived my life by the guidance of the Holy Ghost. I don't know how I let myself drift so far from its influence.
Lately, I've been studying about zeal. I have learned that to be zealous means so much more than being diligent or dedicated to something. It means to obey with exactness. My freshman year of seminary, I was given the "Zealous Peter" award. Our teachers made up an award for everyone that year, and I don't know if anyone else remembers what their's were, but I do. I also remember that, until now, I had no idea what it meant. Now that I know I want to live up to that award, to deserve it. If I can learn to obey with exactness, I will be able to always have the Spirit with me and always listen to its promptings. I will be more motivated to become what I know I can be and won't be so easily distracted.